A real relationship with God takes its shape, direction, and content from reading the Bible. The heart of the relationship itself is prayer.

Everybody (cynics and agnostics included) prays – with sighs, dreams, heartaches and longings, all of which God hears. And believers also pray – but we forget it’s a real relationship. We pray when there’s trouble, a panicked plea in desperation, or a supportive plea for a loved one who’s ill or grieving – all of which God hears.

In this series, I won’t share tips and techniques on how to get God to answer your prayers – because I don’t have any. As your pastor and friend, I dream of all of us growing into a deeper, richer relationship that is way more than asking for favors, or to feel better. God, like everybody else, simply wants time with us, sharing, sighing together, listening, loving, seeking a common good. Rabbi Abraham Heschel was wise in telling us “Prayer is not for the sake of something else. We pray in order to pray.” It’s not a means to some ends. It’s the end, the goal, the joy of life.

So we shed any vain notions of prayer being productive, or meeting needs. In a real relationship, you do express yourself. But it’s not all about you. If the relationship is healthy, it’s other-focused. Nobody enjoys someone whose only interest is in currying favors. The most blessed relationships are about being together, with one another.

What the Bible reveals about God above all else is that God is with us. God doesn’t weave a protective web around us, and doesn’t guarantee that our wishes come true. People in the Bible, including Jesus, God’s own son, like people in our world, are subjected to dark days and grave difficulties. God promises always to be with us, even beyond death itself.

Prayer is the only reasonable reply to the extraordinary gift of being alive. Prayer is the only conceivable thing to do if there is a God. Prayer is the enactment, the realization that God genuinely is with us, that God wants a real relationship with us more than we do. In prayer, we shed any illusion that we’re on our own, or that we’re alone down here. Prayer is relationship.

And so we don’t pray only when we have a pressing need, and we don’t pray only when we feel like praying. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, pointing out that prayer isn’t wishing and desiring in front of God, has taught us that “Prayer does not mean simply to pour out one’s heart. It means rather to find the way to God and to speak with Him, whether the heart is full or empty.” After all, God’s presence isn’t predicated on our moods. Prayer is a habit, a discipline, a sacrifice of time.

The word “sacrifice” doesn’t mean grudgingly to yield something you’d prefer to keep. “Sacrifice” means to “make holy.” We make time holy when we pray. It takes time, like any relationship. You have to book in time. Sure, you’re busy. But there’s no expending of time more important. It may strike the world (and you!) as a waste of time, not productive at all. Remember: God made time. God gives us time. God has time for us. We can “redeem the time” (Ephesians 5:16) by making time with God.

Here’s a very simple suggestion of how to get into the groove of prayer as time with God instead of prayer as issuing requests. In Advent 5 years ago, we printed cards with this very simple but profound prayer: “Here I am, Lord. Here You are. Here we are together.” Get quiet, and sit still, breathe, and read these words, slowly. Again. And again. Breathe, feel the presence, the togetherness. Try this again later today, and tomorrow, and the next day. God has time for you, and gives you time for us all to be together.

   {Bonus episode: watch/listen to my YouTube conversation on prayer with Dr. Dan Snyder, therapist, theologian, and author of Praying in the Dark. It’s superb.}